Ok, I’ll admit it.
I’m completely useless when it comes to looking after myself.
I spoke to my counsellor on Monday about putting alarms in my phone to remind me to take a shower. Yes it’s that bad.
Doing housework has never been at the top of my priority list – I’m not someone who finds that kind of stuff fun (ugh, no) and must admit that showering daily seems like a huge waste of water/time/effort. But I’m started to realise that all the small stuff that requires massive effort – eating right, exercise, generally practicing self-love – is the stuff that’s going to help me achieve my bigger dreams (as I write this, the laundry pile is eyeing me suspiciously).
We also talked about the necessity of having a functional work space. I’m starting to realise how important this is. I tend to ‘hot desk’. Or hot bed. Or hot dog (has actually happened). This post started life on my desk, was partly written downstairs in front of the TV and is now being finished on my unmade bed as I’ve been kicked out of the living room while my mother’s teaching.
I also realised that I prefer to make other people feel comfortable before I think of myself. The desk I spent good money on is currently overflowing with unfinished projects, a half-eaten box of Milk Tray, a lamp that doesn’t work no matter what I do to it, and far too many pens. We do have a study that’s almost completely functional (contains some junk) but now my partner has taken that over with his massive, pointlessly-loud computer (no comment about phalluses here).
So yesterday I met with a different counsellor who’s also awesome and I think is going to help me a lot. She’s a drink-reduction family support counsellor, as my mother’s got longstanding alcohol issues and is finally reaching out. We talked about all the things I’m having problems with, including the healthy eating, the confidence, and she also offered me some ear acupuncture. I’ve never had this before but it seems pretty cool, so hopefully within the next few weeks I’ll give it a go.
I also gave out my first business card to her. Yeah, it’s probably a bit premature that I’ve got business cards printed and yeah, I know, I don’t go out so why would I need them? My main reasoning behind getting them is because they’re cool, dammit.
I’ve also got a women’s entrepreneurial workshop lined up, a feminist networking session, and I’ve also applied for some work experience on a short film. It’s only a 3 day shoot so it’s not like it’s something I have to keep up for weeks and weeks, and I’ve got plenty of time to prepare for it. Time will tell. Fingers crossed the anxiety doesn’t get the better of me.
I’m going to Lidl tomorrow. I KNOW, RIGHT. I’ve totally got this life thing down.
Agoraphobic Feminist: I’m a versatile freelance writer that suffers from depression and panic disorder with agoraphobia. My writing covers a wide range of issues including feminism, equality, social issues and mental health.” If possible, I would also like to include the following links: (@AtHomeActivist)