Drawn To The Propeller: The Allure of the Abusive Man on #BachelorInParadise, by @GoddessKerriLyn

Cross-posted from: FOCUS: Feminist Observations Connecting Unified Spirits
Originally published: 05.09.16

Josh and Andi 1When a rageaholic is the nation’s Prince Charming, young girls learn abuse is part of the fairy tale. Josh Murray, an emotional abuser, won 2014’s The Bachelorette when Andi Dorfman accepted his proposal. But several months later they ended their engagement. She’s since written a bookAndis Book called It’s Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After. In it, she details Josh’s verbal abuse, calling it “the most volatile and fucked up relationship of my life.” At one point she was concerned enough for her safety to tell her friend Nikki Ferrell that if she turned up dead, Josh did it. Andi says she was “trapped in a relationship that made her feel utterly worthless and dismally defeated.” Sounds like a dream come true, right?

Apparently ABC thinks so, because Josh was cast on Bachelor In Paradise (BIP) to find another unsuspecting victim, which he did, in the form of Amanda Stanton. Amanda confusedNick Viall, the runner-up on Andi’s Bachelorette season, is also on BIP, where he’s raised concerns to Amanda about Josh’s history with Andi. Josh has called Andi’s book “fiction” – a questionable characterization given Nick admits it is “factual” in its depiction of him, so why wouldn’t it be accurate about Josh?

Nick rather scald myself with coffee than deal with josh againNick has compared Josh to the anger character on Inside anger characterOut. After Nick confronted him, Josh responded “You need to hope that everything’s good with me and her!” Nick wondered “Or what?…all he wanted to do was just murder me.”

red flags of abuseTraits of a Misogynistic RelationshipNow that Nick Viall has been named the next Bachelor, do we have actual romance on tap? Unlikely. Andi described her sexual encounter with Nick as cringe-worthy, lady boner-killing, and awkward. Nick’s sexy move was to ask if Andi would rather make love or fuck, and then slut-shame her on After The Final Rose by asking why she’d make love to him if she wasn’t in love with him (Double Standards, anyone?). Nick’s season of The Bachelor will air in 2017, serving up sexism for two.






FOCUS: Feminist Observations Connecting Unified SpiritsFeminist writing about gender, race, class, ability, and other intersections. Consciousness-raising activist. Spiritual Priestess. Body Positivity & LGBT Support. Twitter: @GoddessKerriLyn