For years the night yelled out
that I had to rearrange all of me.
I doubted every breath and
all the words I never spoke
seeped darkness into day.
It takes years to unlearn
how to contort every damn cell
to discover exhaling and waking
without limbs seized
for fight and flight.
But it’s 3am and I’m back.
Leaden muscles and clenched jaws
and my words ripped up.
I’m allowed cryptic stanzas,
saccharine and god. No more.
I listen to my babies leave.
Too tired to say goodbye.
Littlee and Bean: I’m a mummy and a blogger. Sometimes I’m all about the saccharine, other times I’m all about the rage. Motherhood doesn’t define me but right now it’s the biggest part of me. I record moments with my boys, from the sacred to the profane. I discuss how I’m trying to find that elusive work/life balance. And I reflect on how breaking free from fundamentalist religion and sexism has shifted my horizons and my psychology.
