Men Who Commit Domestic Violence Should Not be Allowed Custody or Access of their Children by @LK_Pennington

(Cross-posted with permission from My Elegant Gathering of White Snows)

Men who commit domestic violence against their partner, or their children, should not be allowed to have access or custodial rights over those children.

Heresy, I know but I do not believe that a man who is violent to their partner can be trusted to be a good father to their children. After all, not abusing the mother of your children isn’t exactly a high standard of parenting.

A man who abuses the mother of his [step]-children is not a good father.

It doesn’t matter if he never directly physically or sexually assaults the children; the fact that a man abuses his partner negates his ability to be a good father. Forcing a child to live with a man who abused their mother is psychological child abuse and we are all complicit in a culture which is psychologically abusing children.

Men who commit domestic violence should have no legal rights to their children. They should be legally required to pay maintenance to support their children as the failure to pay maintenance is child abuse.

Men who refuse to pay child maintenance are not good fathers.

Children are not possessions. They do not ‘belong’ to their parents. What are we teaching our children if we allow them to live with men who emotionally, physically or sexually abuse their mothers?

What are we teaching our children about women’s bodily autonomy?

What are we teaching our daughters about their value? What are we teaching our sons: that being violent is the only way to be a man?

Children are entitled to live in safety surrounded by people who love them.

Children do not deserve fathers who are “good enough” when “good enough” ignores the history of male violence.

(Cross-posted with permission from My Elegant Gathering of White Snows)

My Elegant Gathering of White Snows: a blog about male violence against women, celebrity culture and cultural femicide. [@LeStewpot] [FB: My Elegant Gathering of White Snows]

8 thoughts on “Men Who Commit Domestic Violence Should Not be Allowed Custody or Access of their Children by @LK_Pennington”

  1. The title is wrong it should read either men and women who abuse there partner .don’t think that this is purely a male trade till you have seen the damage that a woman can also do .Both are equally wrong and despicable

    1. Domestic violence is almost entirely committed by men. It is a crime by men against women, children and other men.

    2. No the title is NOT wrong. Ask anyone on the front line and they’ll tell you that the vast and overwhelming majority of violence in relationships is MALE VIOLENCE against women, children, and even pets. Call the RSPCA and ask them how many pets they are minding for male victims.

    3. When a woman uses the word “abuse” against herself, she’s talking about things like being raped, shoved up against the wall while being screamed at in the face, being terrorized when pregnant, just post delivery, or just post invasive surgery, being thrown to the floor, being spit on, having her keys ripped from her hands while trying to flee her male abuser, having her finances stolen, and even being physically injured, most of the time, in front of her children, who are deeply injured by witnessing their mother being injured by their father.

      (Emotional abuse causes physical injury to one’s adrenal systems, to one’s sympathetic nervous system, and to one’s brain neurology. Long term emotional abuse injures the immune system and can cause cancer. Emotional abuse is the same as physical abuse, however the evidence is hidden internally.)

      When a man uses the word “abuse,” he’s referring to things like being laughed at or being asked to pay child support.

      In fact, just recently, a man killed his wife on a cruise ship for laughing at him.

      There are way more women and children of both genders killed by their significant relationship men in the past 15 years, than there are war casualties.

      95% of all rapes are committed by men against women, children of both genders, and other men.

      Male violence (both physical and emotional) is the root of the problem.

  2. Witnessing abuse causes tremendous damage and I agree with a lot of what you say, but I do believe that stopping abusive parents from seeing their children altogether would also be psychologically harmful to children. Children deserve to be included in that decision. I think supervised contact in a controlled and observed manner is possibly the best way forward, but it’s a difficult one.

    1. Donna, you have obviously never had a child who was abused by his/her father. Forcing the child to see the abuser if the child does not want to or is not ready to deal with the abuse suffered at his hands ,is one of the worst kinds of child abuse. Would you continue a relationship with someone who has sent you to the hospital many times? Who has tried to kill you and stated he would do so many times? And did the same to you’re children? Then how is it okay or safe for children who cannot yet comprehend the abuse and atrocities they experienced at the hands of their violent fathers? It is not!! It is telling the kid what they suffered does not matter. That if these acts were committed by someone else they would not be forced to see them ever again. It should be up to a forensic psychologist, the child and the child’s mother (if the father hasn’t killed her). An abuser should not have more rights for their CHOICE to commit these heinous crimes. He should be held to a higher standard being a father and he failed. Protect THE CHILD, not the abuser . Research and educate yourself about your dangerous opinions before voicing them, please. It’s easy to give your two cents from the comfort of you’re home when you are not the one dealing first hand with the consequences.

  3. I agree entirely, and I also believe men who cheat on or abandon the mother of their children should lose all access to their children too.

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