The Absent Feminist

( cross-posted from @extreme_crochet)

I have a confession to make….there’s a feminist shaped hole in my life and no, I’m not talking about the lacking of a special woman in my life! I am, however, talking about my inability to really grasp the feminist nettle.

I regard myself as somewhat intelligent but when it comes to feminism, I am a lost soul in a sea of lentils! There are so many new words to learn for a start. My foggy CFS brain struggles with processing any information other than ‘get out of bed’ or ‘cook dinner’ – sad but true.That’s not to say that I am not interested in learning, I really would like to jump feet first and soak up all the knowledge. But where do I start?

Here’s a little list of my struggles:

  • Cis, trans, binary, non binary, structural, misogyny, misandry, MRAs ….Help! I’m still learning what all these words mean and tie myself up in knots trying not to offend anyone.
  • Our bodies: women should be able to do whatever they like with their bodies but then again, I don’t like Page 3….I don’t like walking past so called gentleman’s clubs with my children. I respect a woman’s right to choose to use her body for work and yet it bothers me. Should it bother me? I don’t know :/ You see, it’s not so easy is it?
  • Do my views matter? As I am not a famous academic, a celebrity or high profile campaigner does my voice still count? I’m not sure it does and I certainly feel left out of feminism. It actually hurts me to say that.
  • I don’t hate all men and want them all dead……..*hides*. Yep, there are a lot of shitty men out there but I also know decent ones, my dad is a very good example of a decent man. I could never hate him because of his gender, I love him. No doubt someone will tell me that I am missing the point.
  • I want to help to ‘smash the patriarchy’ if only I knew how to. I’m guessing a sledgehammer is not what is required……

I so want to think of myself as a feminist. I love women. Women are amazing. Seeing other women go through pain caused by abuse, poverty, injustice, sexism etc is just soul destroying. That is something I care about, that is something I would like to do something about. I’m just not sure that anyone is listening.

But I will always offer love, tea and hugs to ALL my sisters,


A Woman Alone: A reflection on my life as a single parent in the UK. Twitter: @extreme_crochet